


Christmas Wishes

by TeruTeruObliterator11037



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: As in this fic is literally radioactive in the cringe department, Be warned!, CURSED FIC, Christmas, Crack, Gen, Intentionally Bad Spelling & Grammar, Jake Pauler!Kokichi, Lots of references to old fics actually haha, Minor V3 Spoilers, Plot Twist, References to the fic I wrote on this day in the Year Of Our Lord 2016, interview format, jacksfilms references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-19 05:22:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13116924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeruTeruObliterator11037/pseuds/TeruTeruObliterator11037
Summary: What do the V3 kiddos want for Christmas? Now you can find out!





	Christmas Wishes

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Happy holidays! I am pleased to say that today marks the 1 year anniversary of this account! (party horn noise) Couldn't have done it without the support of you guys!  
> Thus, because I am sentimental and tacky, I have snuck in a few references to some of my previous work in here! Also, please do keep in mind that I am using the kukuku code for whenever Korekiyo speaks (ku=a, kuku=b, kukuku=c, etc), so please keep that in mind. I do not recommend translating if you want to avoid minor spoilers though!  
> This is going to be a cringy ride, so I recommend wearing a hazmat suit haha! Just kidding kind of, enjoy the show!

 

\

You gotta know him  
It's mall santa  
Boogie woogie, woogie!  
Now you can't hold him  
It's mall santa

Boogie woogie, woogie!  
But you know he's there,  
Yeah here there everywhere

 

 

 

who is mall santa?

 

silence, youth

 

you have much to learn

 

 

 

In our very own seishoe academeme, there was a mall santa

thats right kids

a mall

_**sANTaAAAaaaAaAA** _

__

_**Yes. santa Claus**_ ,,,, _ **He.**_

_**Not like Santa Tachibana or whatever the botanist dudes name was** _

_**But**_ snata

snata _ **clausE**_

 

 

and do noT ASK ABOUT WHY THERE WAS AMALL SNANJTA WITHTOT A MALL I DO NOT KNWO

 

anyways

 

all of the students jus t HaPeeNEeED to be there, and they all just happened to come by 

"santa"

 

these are snatas field notes

 

in the form of an interview

 

 

Santa: good aftar noon, my fellow human youth!!!! ah,, it is lopfely kayayday, was do you want .?

Kaede: i would like a piano blease thank you  so much santa

Santa: but don't you already have like 20?? akamatsu san nani the fr*ck?

Kaede: the 20th one reminds me of when i messed up while playing jingle bells lats week

hecking ** _j_** i n g l e ** _b e l_** l s ** _, s_** a  n ** _t  a   c_** l   a   u   s

Santa: ok please leave

 

Santa: ah it is witchie witch aka yumeno himiko aka lil wandy, what is your wishie wish

Himiko: nyehh,, we do not talk about my SoundCloud account between these here walls\

Santa: understood

now what do you want

(poof!! she is gone}

 

Santa: space man, take me by the han

Kaito: CAN I TELL YOU WHAT I WANT NOW

Santa: Oh uh sure go ahead momota kun

Kaito:

 

Hey Santa,  
It's me again.  
This Christmas, I don't want a Wii-  
I already have one of those, it's awesome.  
You see, Santa,  
This year's a little different...

All I want for Christmas is a girlfriend-----

Santa: get out of my sight

(kaito is gone)

Santa: if he has a wii,,,,, then maybe he has mario party 8

 

Santa: please dont kill me

Maki: youre not real

Santa: im sorry

 

Santa: ah, a good boy! it is gonta!

Gonta: Hooray! Is Gonta on nice list?

Santa: of course, as the human youth say, pumpkin!

Gonta: Then can Gonta receive new terrarium and a pair of Timbs?

Santa: now gonta, im not sure where i would get timbs. and im really sorry but you might need to stand up you are putting a dent in my lap

Gonta: Gonta  very sorry.

Santa: no wait

 

Santa: hm, kiyo,,,,,,, i wonder what you would like.

Korekiyo: kukukukukukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukuku  ku  kukukukukukukukukukukuku ku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukuku kukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kuku kukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukuku kukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukuku kukuku kukukukukukukukukukuku , ku kukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukuku kukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku  kuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukuku kukukukuku kukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukuku  kukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku ku kukukukukukukukukukukukuku ku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukuku kukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukuku ku kukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku . ku kukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku , kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukuku kukuku kukukukuku  kukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukuku kukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukuku  kuku kukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukuku kukuku kukukukuku . ku kukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku  kukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku  kukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukuku ku kukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukuku kukukukukukukuku 

Santa: wow korekiyo i didnt know you do drag

Korekiyo: 

kukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukuku 1kuku 0, kuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku  ku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukuku . kukukukukukukukuku  ku kukukukukukukukukukukukuku  kukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku  kukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku , kukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku  kukukuku ku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku . kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukuku kukukukuku  kukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukuku kukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukuku  kukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukuku kukukukukuku kukukukuku  ku kukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukuku  kukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukuku kukukukuku  kukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukuku  kukuku kukukukukukukukukukukuku ku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku . kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku  ku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukuku  kukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku ku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukuku kukukuku  kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku  kukukukukukukuku kukukukuku kukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukukuku .

Santa: o o f

 

Santa: oh no

Also Santa: sigh,,,,,hey ouma kun

Kokichi: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey!11!!!!111!1111 now i get to tell you what i want!!!!!11! right? riiiight??

Santa: did you remember what I told you on this day last year?

Kokichi: uhh noooooo

Santa; heres an uhhh flashback

( _g r o o v y  f l a s h b a c k  m u s i c)_

 

_~"Hey Baka clause," he demanded, "Where are our gifts?!?!!?))?)5:54?:($64"_

_Santa breathed in,_

_"I did not get you guys gifts. You did not earn them, as you have been very greedy. Do not think about material possessions, but more about the wellbeing and happiness of others. Try to expand your humanitarian horizons this year, and I will think about putting you on the nice list. Take care, lovelies."_

_And he turned into mulch.~_

Kokichi: oh yeah 

can i tell you what i want now?

Santa: do you feel no remorse? but okay sure i guess

Kokichi: (deep breath)

Say  
All I want for Christmas is that Jake Paul merch  
All I want for Christmas is a Jake Paul shirt  
All she want for Christmas is JP on the fur  
All I want for Christmas is that JP sweatshirt  
Say  
  
Fanjoy.co/jakepaul  
Get in while you can  
Before I sell it all  
Spend $100  
Free shipping y'all  
Go tell your momma  
She gotta buy it all

  
Fanjoy to the world  
My merch has come  
  
Buy dat merch  
Buy dat merch  
Buy dat merch  
Buy dat merch  
Buy dat merch  
Buy dat merch  
Buy dat merch  
  
Say  
Nick Crompton is the merch Santa, man  
It's old Saint Nick, sleigh from England  
Don't leave him cookies  
Just some tea, man  
Stuff in yo' tree with that Jake Paul brand---

Santa: ouma kun why are you like this. begone.

 

Santa: ah yes,,, another good boy! amami-kun!

Rantaro: Hey.

Santa: and what would you like?

Rantaro: Oh, I Really Don't Expect To Recieve Anything. Maybe Some Facial Cleanser, Or Nail Polish, Or A New Pair Of Cargo Pants. Either Of Those Would Be Nice.

Santa: im really sorry but i would feel like a bad ro- **person** if i gave you another excuse to wear those pants

Rantaro: Guess That's The Way It Is! Bye!

Santa: how normal, i am relaxed.

 

Santa: Nevermind

Angie: Yohaaaaa!!

Santa: what would you like?

Angie: weelllllll, first, i would like a box of copics and some clay. but i would also reeeallly want a church built in Atua;s name in the place of the school, so everyone can be enlightened!!! and maaayybe a new set of prismacolors.

Santa: we will see about that

also copics are mad expensive, are crayolas ok?

 

Angie: d̛̛̻͖̟̜̜̟̤̹̜͒͐ͨͭͦ̿̀ͨ͂̐̚ị̵̶̠̭̘̀̏̐͐̎̎͑͝͡ḏ̸̨͚̜̰͗̈ͯ̽̏ͧ͐ͤͪ̉͋̅ ̴̧̡̘̜̙͍̜̬̓̎̒̾ͩ̔ͭ̋̄̽̏͌͂̓̀̆ͤ̽͠i̢̦̲͇̮̪̱͐̽ͬ̇͆ͯͬ͑ͪͤ͒ͯ̀̓ͩ̐ͅ ̸̸̦̫͍̞ͬ́ͮ̂s̡̛͈͈͖̻̞͙̺̲̗ͪ̏ͩ̂ͦͤ͋́̊́̐͋̍ͦ̊̾͑͋ͧ͠͞t̷̘̖̺̘̟̗̟̮̘͚̣͕͚̠͚ͦ̍̅ͥͧ͡u̾͐̍̐̉͌̊ͮ̐̌̏̚͢͢͏̻̦̪͇̭̠̖͙̘̗͚͚̲͇t̶̵̨̧̙͚͈̯̘̖̟̩̯̘͖̲͎̋̇̑͒̆͛ͭ̑͜t̸̛̻̩̺̠̩̤̻̠̞͔̰͓̜͙̄̿ͥͦ́͋ͮ̑̅̍̆̒ͫ̽̒͐̊ͦͩ͘͞ẻ͊ͣͥ͆͏̵͚̦̥̟̘̘͉̯͙̹̘͈͢r̶̭̻͙̻̦ͧͭ̈́̍́̉̈́̽̉͆ͮͫͦ͂̚͝

 

Santa: oh lordy lou

Angie: y̸̵͔͙̠̜͖̗̯̥̪̳͖͟o͏̵͓̬̖̝̖̻̰̮̘͖͔̫͔̤̬̘ͅų̨̛̖͎͇̥̪͇͍͓̺̭͠ ͓͉̱̫͉͇̮̱̞͕̞̲̙̮̥̯͘͜͞w̷̧͔̠̺̣̫̲a̵҉̟̩̗̮̩̙͉n̷̸͉̭̼̜̫̟͔̲͕̠̭̻̪͖̞̩̟ṉ̢̨̧̱̹̤̦͚̱͔̤͉̦̝͞͠a̪̻̺̘͍̲̗͖̫͘͝ ̼̫̟̳̲̲̫͔̝̫̯̰̼̦͝ͅt̡̞̙̫̠̙r͏̟͔̭̬̰ͅy̨̼͎̯̟̲̹͕͖͇̙͈̠̝̙͠ ̴̸̨͔͉͙̠̦͖͍̯͕̞̙̕t̟̝̹̱̗͎͖̬̻͘͘͟͡h̦͎͓͖͉̞̗͉̪͕̱̙̬͡a̸̧̺̠͔̱̘̦̺̳̮͇̳̰̥̕ṯ̸̟̘͚͙̖̺̭̖̤͖͓̟͕͇̖͓̭͞ͅ ҉̱̤̹̼̭̙̼̭͖͙̝̤̯̦͕͢͡ͅa̷̶̖̲͎̝̟͉̖͕̹̮͝g̵̴̸̵̡͇̹̬̘̗͓̞̬̙a̷̴̵͈̳̦͎͇͈̝̫͙͇̞͇͞i̴̦̗̤͇͔͈͚͓͍̗̜ͅn̲̥͓̮̪̥̬̝̼̗͟͢͠͠ ̨͕̰͇̼̠̟̼͉͇̟͈̮͉̲̬̟̭͠͡s̮͙̻̰͡w̸̨̡̜̹̰͍̼̰̗̣̬͉͚̗̼̭͡ȩ̸̸̨̱͖̝̗͈͇̞͜e͉͍͎̳̲̠̟̗͇͕̮̪̲̲̩͖̩̼̯͘͢͡ṯ̶̬̼̟̤͉̫͉̗͔̠̝̤̰̣̲͜͡i͏̶̷̢̖͚̩͎̹͙̺̥̘e̷̛͔̫͈͎͕̼̲͉͔̩͎̩̼͉̫ͅͅ?̧̧̺̼͓̜̗̦̦̣͓̼̤̙̻̜͚̼͡~̨̢̞̺̲̖~͚͍̪͚͕̰͜~̵̢̥̯̣̣̩̻͙͉͇̙̝̝͖ͅ

 

 

Santa: no???

(angie uses her holy powers to make like a tree and l e a f)

 

Santa: oof that was quite the experience

Santa: is that............................tenko?

Tenko: good evening.

Santa: do you,,,,wanna sit on my lap and tell santa what you want or

Tenko: excuse me? i will not make physical contact with a degenerate male like you unless i am beating him up! and what are you saying? if i tell you my desires, is the degenerate male , you, more likely to manifest it for me?? is that what you are saying??

Santa: no its just tradition.

Tenko: sure it is.

(Tenko kicks Santa in the face)

 

Santa: i am so tired

Miu: HAHAHAHA WHATS POPPING 

Santa: what do you want iruma san

Miu: WELLLL YOU KNOWW, EARLIER THIS YEAR, I SENT YOU A LETTER LISTING ALL OF MY WANTS AND NEEDS AS THE G _ODESS MIU IRUMA_ , SO I ASSUME YOU HAVE THAT DOWN. 

Santa: uh

Miu: WELL I WANT SOMETHING ELSE TOO. I WANT K1-B0, UNCONSCIOUS ON CHRISTMAS DAY SO I CAN TURN HIM INTO A TANK THAT WILL BURST OUT OF THE SCHOOL. AND THEN I WILL BE PRAISED BY ALL! KYAHAAAA

Santa: nani?!!?

Miu: WELL BUH BYE SANTY CLAUS, YOULL FIND ME ON THE COVER OF FORBES BY NEXT YEAR 

\

 

Santa: here comes tsumugi! maybe she will be a bit more pleasant.

Tsumugi: good morning santa!

Santa: good morning shirogane san! what would you like for chrystler?

Tsumugi: all  want is a cardboard cutout of dwight schrute from the Office

Santa: i thought you liked anime

Tsumugi: yes i do and dwight schrute is my husbando

Santa: but hes not anime 

Tsumugi:  **dwight Schrute is my husbando**

 

Santa: hollup, here come tojo san

Kirumi: Good night, Santa.

Santa: What would  _youuuuu_ like?

Kirumi: A broom would be lovely, thank you.

Santa: Wait really is that all

Kirumi: I'm sorry, I must cook breakfast now. Take care.

Santa: wa i t

 

Santa: hi welcome to pizza hut let me guess, pizza  ?

Ryoma: all i want for christmas is joy and validation.

Santa: hoshi kun........you are amazing, and sure, you killed some people, but switch 2 letters in kill and you get, 

kiss. speaking of kiss, i have one in my pocket, and i can not eat it. would you like it?

Ryoma: yes thank you santa. 

(he eats a kiss, and his legg grows, he streteches to the astral plane)

Ryoma: merry christmas

 

Santa: now there's only one person left. i wonder when hes coming 

Shuichi: youre not santa!!

Santa: why do you say that?

(Shuichi rips off the santa costume, to reveal/...)

Shuichi: K1-B0!

K1-B0: you are correct, saihara kun. all i wanted was to spread christmas cheer.

Shuichi: its okay you tried

(Kokichi manifests his physical form into the room)

Kokichi: wait does that mean that you were the santa last year??

K1-B0: yes

Kokichi: then who was the K1-B0 attending my party?

K1-B0: that was makoto naegi dressed up as me

 

Literally Everyone: NANI??

K1-B0: merry christmas kids

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome back! I hope that you enjoyed the work, and once again, thank you for all of the support during this past year.  
> As always, feedback is always welcome. Please have a happy holiday season! Take care, lovelies!


End file.
